I have had much on my mind lately, that I’m not sure I feel 100% comfortable sharing for fear of being misunderstood, or inviting probing.    However, I do find blogging a good source of processing and so I’m putting myself out here a bit.   I’m only going to elaborate as far as this post is willing to go.  Nothing is wrong and there is no need for concern.   I just need to be free to express myself without needing to defend myself.   My goal is to encourage my readers by working through my thoughts and the encouragement of my readers is always welcome! 

Something that has come up in both Women’s Bible Study and Titus Group this past week has been the idea of ” A life message from God”.  This wasn’t the actual study, but it is a theme that correlates.  My precious Titus Group leader spoke of her life message as being one of dying to self.   We are all called to die to ourselves as Christians, but some of us may actually experience more “deaths” than others.   Perhaps these deaths come in the form of dying to dreams, goals, visions, preferences, or on and on.  Her thoughts were thoughts and experiences that I have had.  She noticed that my life message seems to be one of waiting.   I have known that nothing is ever handed to me easily and that I am often asked by God to wait. It wasn’t a revelation; it was more a confirmation.   Most of the time this doesn’t bother me because I know in advance, by experience, that I have had to wait for practically every gift or blessing ever given to me.   There are times, however, when the waiting feels unbearable and it is often in the smaller things that I feel so very impatient.   I can also see, though, that the idea of dying to self, is coupled with the message of waiting.  I can not think that if I always just wait long enough that I will have the things I ask for!  There maybe times when God says, ” No, that is not for you.”  or “You need to give that over to me…permanently.”  Equally, the resounding message of “wanting what you have” has been playing upon my heart.  It is not easy.  Contentment.  This word and myself have gone to battle for years.  It is beginning to feel a bit like Rocky 39….with me playing the part of Rocky in the first part of each film, unprepared and taken by surprise by the sheer force of my competitor.   Thank the Lord I have one who fights for me!   I’m learning to wait and trust, once more.  There are things I want, perhaps even need, that currently are not being offered to me.  Sometimes I get close, but then have to go back to square one in the waiting/dying theology.  I know I am not alone in this.  Perhaps you, reader, are experiencing the same process.  I have even encountered some other blogs out there that have been whispering this same message much to my surprise. So, what do we do when God asks us to wait for or to give up something?  Do we rest in quiet trust or are our hearts restlessly looking for our own solution?  This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: ” In repentance and rest is salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength… ~ Isaiah 30: 15 a-b



  1. Love you friend.

    Isaiah 40:31
    but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.

  2. I have been feeling this lately too…waiting to get debt free…waiting to have more than two bedrooms and a backyard…waiting can be so difficult, but God is good and has good plans even if they are different than what I want. I want what HE wants…sometimes I just have to remember that!
    Hope both of our contentment grows as we look at how He has blessed us!!! =)

  3. I really didn’t get to finish my earlier comment because Laura Ann was typing along with me. I appreciate your honesty. I will not probe to ask what specifically is hard right now, but please know that I am available to pray with you about it. I may already be praying about it! I am struggling with God’s time schedule in our teaching our son right now. I want him to walk the walk, and on my schedule! I want the difficult relationship with a schoolmate to resolve and I want to MAKE it happen. That is where I am struggling with waiting on the Lord. This has brought me to study the Isaiah verse and realize that I don’t quite fully understand it.
    I am so happy that God loves us both enough to prick our hearts and cause us to examine our thoughts for His own glory.

  4. Thanks Misty! I appreciate you and your honesty as well!

  5. Christi says:

    Just know that you are not alone in your struggle with contentment. Maybe why Paul states that “godliness with contentment is great gain”. A favorite verse of mine that is much easier said than done is in Psalms, “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.” It plays out in my mind, that yes I can give thanks in all things because no matter what the circumstances God is good and He never changes. For me personally the key to being content is trusting in God and the key to trusting in God is knowing God and His character and love for me.

    I would have to say that my life theme would be in learning to die to self. That is why God has given me 7 kids and then took one to be with Him. With each child I am forced to deal with another level of selfishness and examine the truth of how and why children are a blessing. When we lost a child I was forced to deal with how fragile life is and what is truly important. He called me to home educate, so that I would have those iron sharpening iron moments all day long. When people ask me how I homeschool all these kids, I laugh and tell them that home education is not about educating the kids, but about God sanctifying me. God forces me into situations where my weaknesses are magnified and I have no other choice than to turn to Him for strength. That is His desire to draw us to His heart. As I turn to Him each day with the obstacles I face, whether teaching math or breaking up a fight or balancing the busyness of life, I find He is faithful and my love grows for Him. When we are transparent and honest and admit that we are struggling we give Him an opportunity to be glorified in our weakness and we give fellow believers the opportunity to bear our burdens and minister to us. So glad to hear how God is drawing you closer to Him. Keep pressing in!

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